THE SIMPLE LIFE OF A KOUNTRY KAT

Another Dreary Day

T Wilson — Thu, 15 Oct 2009 02:47:34 +0000

Today is another dreary day on the Ponderosa. It is soggy, damp, wet, and musty and any other words I can find to describe two weeks without sunshine. I have tried to put this in perspective and have come up with the conclusion that if I were a pig right now I would be in hog heaven. With all the soggy ground and mud it would be considered paradise. Right now…I would prefer Cancun…Cozumel or even Arizona …any place with sunshine. Don’t get me wrong…I am thankful for the desperately needed rain but please…enough is enough. When mold starts going on the ground and you don’t live on a mushroom farm then you know you have had enough moisture.

We have had another couple of birthdays for this month….Buff and Rattletrap got another year…hum…lets see…more distinguished and wiser! I didn’t hear of any wild parties going on so I guess they celebrated them in peace and quiet as “distinguished” men do. Well…Happy B-day guys!! Come to think of it…we could have put all this mud to use and had a mud wrestling fight to celebrate. Of course…I’m sure they would be disappointed since the women would probably not look like the ones on television that do that!! Oh well…maybe next year!

Otis had a little escape artist to get out of the pasture a few days ago. It seems like these young mothers can’t keep up with their little ones. Poor momma cow bawled for two hours before I found the wee one on the road visiting the neighbor calves. Another thirty minutes later and it was safely back with the herd. I found the exit route for the munchkin and commenced to fixing fence. It is amazing what a bunch of junk laying around can come in handy for. The new high dollar barb wire fence never looked better with my thrown together panels…sucker rods and wire. It would make any redneck proud! What is the saying…”One man’s junk another man’s treasure”.

I had a visitor this morning as I was feeding the dog, horses and the birds. A lonely coyote wandered across the yard…taking time to stop and smell the air. He wasn’t in a big hurry until he realized he had company. Looking back only once to make sure I wasn’t hot on his trail he ran off into the mesquites. Where is my camera when stuff like this comes along? Just like the hawk a couple of days ago sitting on the back of the chair on the front porch. To see one that close up made me realize they are truly amazing birds….even if they can scoop a small creature up…including my cats!

And on a sadder note…I hate to report the black with white polka-dot and hot pink trim rubber boots…that started all of this….sprung a leak this morning. As I walked through the mud and mud puddles I noticed a very strange thing. Yep…water! My foot was totally soaked. If super glue doesn’t do the trick in repairing these prize puppies than I guess the search for replacements will be inevitable. I wonder if lime green is popular this year!

Falling Behind…Catching Up

T Wilson — Mon, 05 Oct 2009 15:58:48 +0000

October is upon us and with it comes the leaves changing colors and falling…pumpkins and hay bales decorating the countryside and noises that go bump in the night. It has been cold…dreary and rainy. I feel like I have moved to the “no sunshine state”. I know UV rays are harmful but if I don’t get some soon I may be the one harming someone! Just ask Mutton. My usual sunny disposition turns into a personality of a bitty that can bite nails after a few days of dreary weather. Anyway…before I continue with this month I need to wrap up a couple of things for September. Yes…I know…I am always behind. Just for the record…I plan on being late for my own funeral! Won’t that be a hoot!

Alright now…back to September. I missed some birthdays and I can’t let them slide. It wouldn’t be fair to all of us other aging people. The Bipster got another year younger…still holding on at 39.99999…you get the picture. Don’t worry Bip… I can’t tell you have aged a bit. But what do I know…it is time for me to get new glasses!! Just kidding! I’m the one with gray hair…not you! Next…Otis the cow-swapper got another year older and another year wiser…well…I’m still debating about the wiser but that remains to be seen. All I know is whether you did or not…you are always knee deep in…humm…cow manure! But there is a bright side…I can get you a new shovel as a belated b-day present. It will help make the digging out a little easier! Last but definitely not least is Nader. Well…what can I say about Nader? She isn’t old enough to start worrying about birthdays yet. Oh…but just wait…next year is that fourth of a century mark…that means 25 Nader… after that everything starts changing. The hill to middle-age just got a little steeper and you are starting that climb. Won’t be long before you will catch up with me!! Hope you guys all had great birthdays!!

Well…on to another subject. I believe that T-Rae got a new ride at the end of the month. I hear that it is all decked out..sun-roof…touch screen GPS navigation…leather interior. Congrats T-Rae. I never knew T-Rae had trouble figuring out where she was going. Instead I just thought it was how fast she went getting there. T-Rae…you might want to look for another little invention that they made a few years back for vehicles…it comes in handy with a lead foot. Ok…all together now. Can we say Cruise Control?

Country Peep Show

T Wilson — Fri, 25 Sep 2009 12:58:26 +0000

Ok….so I am going through a cartoon phase! I love this!! Honestly…what did you expect?

Country Peep Show!!

Piggy Cured

T Wilson — Thu, 24 Sep 2009 12:49:46 +0000

It looks like everyone is having a problem with health care these days!!!

Oops!!

Thirty Years From Now

T Wilson — Thu, 24 Sep 2009 02:44:44 +0000

Could this be Mutton and me thirty years from now? Or sooner? My guess it probably will be!!

Mutton and Me

Summer Ends Fall Begins

T Wilson — Tue, 22 Sep 2009 23:32:31 +0000

Yesterday was the last day of summer. It was 90 plus degrees…sunny part of the day….a wonderful day to finish up the yard work. After nine and a half inches of rain falling on the ponderosa there was a lot of outside work to be done. Sad to say but after being cooped up in the house all week I was excited to get out and do a little push mowing. Great life…huh? Yesterday evening was beautiful…about as perfect as it could get. What a great way to end the summer. I wish it could go on forever!! Today is the first day of fall…duh…and it is in the fifties….north wind blowing….dreary and rainy! Are we sure we didn’t skip fall and go straight into winter? I have seen one little hummer buzzing around today. I guess it is one of the last to leave for the season. I hate to see them go. Stocks in sugar will fall drastically since I will no longer have to fill five feeders. I dread the short days…the cold winds…and wearing a coat! When it comes to the cold weather I think bears are the smarter ones. Eat all summer and sleep all winter. Yep…I could eat Blue Bell all summer and hibernate all winter. I wonder if it is too late to get started!! There is one good thing about fall and winter…and I totally agree with Maxine…the crabby old lady…. Don’t you gals agree?

Ain't she great?

Short and Sweet

T Wilson — Thu, 17 Sep 2009 03:13:22 +0000

Remember in the spring when Mutton was planting tomatoes? Well…he had one lonely little plant that he didn’t have room for. So I took this last lonely little plant…poked a hole in the ground with my finger and stick it in the flower bed behind the house. With my green thumb I knew it would probably be dead in a week. Every so often I would check…notice it was growing…but failed miserably in trying to remember to water it. This time of year most tomato plants have already turned brown that were planted earlier in the year but for whatever reason this grateful little plant has really come to life. Sad thing about it…I don’t really like tomatoes that much…only in a salad. I don’t even know what kind of tomatoes it grows. Just that they are kinda goofy looking. Now if I had a plant that looked like this and produced chocolate chip cookies….that would be awesome!! I added some pictures below. Click on the thumbnails to enlarge. Since these pics have been taken it is even larger!! Oh yea…eat your heart out Mutton!! Rule of thumb around our house…almost everything is planted in some type of planter that is off the ground because of snakes hiding in the plants. Just great…huh? Looks like a wonderful spot for a rattlesnake or copper head to hang out!!

Still Newly Wed

T Wilson — Sat, 29 Aug 2009 15:18:23 +0000

We had another wedding anniversary celebrated in the family. Nader and Topher have made it to the one year marriage marker. Congratulations guys!! Looks like Topher was smart enough to read the 500 page manual that Nader presented him on their wedding night on “How to Keep Nader Happy for the next Fifty Years”. I’m sure more pages will be added as the happy marriage continues. Number 1 rule in the book is to present Nader with flowers on pretty much any occasion and Topher didn’t let her down. Flowers were delivered like clock work on the celebrated day. I wonder who Topher pays to help remind him to do all this. Maybe him and Bip have a deal on the side…she gets a little cash under the table for the reminders!! Just kidding!! Honestly…if I reminded him…I would want a lot of cash. It would be well worth it to keep the little lady in a good mood. I’m pretty sure Bip would agree with that. The happy couple traveled to the big city to spend the night and enjoy each other’s company. A hotel with bunk beds and a tub with a power washer attachment made for an exciting time!! We can only imagine what next year will bring!! Oh yea…Topher…I have a couple of books that Nader gave me. She thought I might need them. Get back with me in a few years…I will gladly let you borrow them.

Cowboy and the Blondes

T Wilson — Fri, 28 Aug 2009 05:24:54 +0000

Yes…this is a blond joke. No…I don’t think blondes are dumb. I just think that some blonde jokes are funny and this is one of them!

Nader…I’m still trying to decide if you would be the blonde with the baseball bat or the professional wrestler!!

AN OLD BLIND COWBOY WANDERS INTO AN ALL-GIRL BIKER BAR BY MISTAKE. HE FINDS HIS WAY TO A BARSTOOL AND ORDERS A CUP OF COFFEE.

AFTER SITTING THERE FOR A WHILE…HE YELLS TO THE WAITER “HEY….YOU WANNA HEAR A BLONDE JOKE?”

THE BAR IMMEDIATELY FALLS ABSOLUTELY SILENT.

IN A VERY DEEP HUSKY VOICE THE WOMAN SITTING NEXT TO HIM SAYS…

“BEFORE YOU TELL THAT JOKE…..COWBOY…… I THINK IT ONLY FAIR….GIVEN THAT YOU ARE BLIND….. THAT YOU SHOULD KNOW 5 THINGS:

1. THE BARTENDER IS A BLONDE GAL WITH A BASEBALL BAT.

2. THE BOUNCER IS A BLONDE GAL.

3. I’ M a 6′ TALL…. 175 POUND GAL…. WITH A BLACK BELT IN KARATE.

4. THE GAL SITTING NEXT TO ME IS A BLONDE AND A PROFESSIONAL WRESTLER.

“NOW THINK ABOUT IT SERIOUSLY MISTER….. DO YOU STILL WANT TO TELL THAT JOKE?”

THE BLIND COWBOY THINKS FOR A SECOND….SHAKES HIS HEAD….AND MUTTERS….

          “NO….. NOT IF I’M GONNA HAVE TO EXPLAIN IT FIVE TIMES.”

Baby-sitting Blues

T Wilson — Mon, 24 Aug 2009 14:09:34 +0000

I always thought I was the crazy one in my family but now I realize that I’m not. I think JoJo and Nader rate just a little above me. No wait…I know they are crazy for even thinking of asking me to do them this little favor! Always beware when a relative calls and leaves a message on the answering machine in their sweetest voice. It isn’t Girl Scout cookie season and no major fund raiser going on….so I knew something had to be up. More so after getting a text message wanting to know if I was gonna be busy on Friday. I rewind the old hard drive to see if I can recall what is going on and then it hits me. Oh yea…I know what is going on. Nader has generously offered to baby-sit. A two year old and a three month old but yet she forgets she has to work so she has to get a backup baby-sitter. So what the heck is the backup baby-sitter calling me for? All I know is it can’t be a good thing! When I get the courage up to ask Nader what is going on…. it was just as I suspected. The backup baby-sitter needed a baby-sitter with the additional rugrats to go along with the deal. You know that things are desperate when they resort to calling me to keep a seven year old…a five year old…a two year old and a three month old. I don’t even have grandkids yet…I just have cats and a dog. I haven’t kept that many kids in twenty years. See I told you they were crazy!! Don’t get me wrong…I love kids…but just not that many at a time! Mutton said he wouldn’t be able to afford all the therapy I would need after eight hours with fours kids. Honestly…I’m not sure there would be enough therapy to ever help me after that! It would take months to get me back to normal! Well…as normal as I can be. So guys listen up…here are the guidelines for me babysitting:

Only TWO at a time and I get to choose which two!
They must be potty-trained. Must being the key word! (Ladybug forgets where the bathroom is at my house but once you get her headed in the general direction she can handle it.)
They have to have a general knowledge of the using the remote for the tv and dvd player. (Ladybug and TaterTot was born with a remote in their hand so they qualify on this one.)
They must be able to tell me what they want. No reading minds…no pointing. (Again…not a problem. The cow-swapper’s kids are never quiet.)
No pulling the cat’s tails. I do not want tail-less cats running around here!
Also….. They have to be able to eat whatever is put in front of them. (Preferably cookies…ice cream…potato chips…a corn dog. So that makes some teeth a requirement and again…Ladybug and TaterTot could gnaw bark off of a tree….not a problem.)
Last but not least…My services are free for the first couple of hours after that…you better be ready to spend some money. After all…it is hard to find a really good baby-sitter!! It has been brought to my attention that I may get stiffed on being able to collect my babysitting fees…so in order to assure payment for my services…I will require a $100 deposit. If you are a relative…CASH ONLY!!! This will help pay for the therapy I will probably have to get!!
Oh…I also require a two week advance notice of when my services will be needed. It will at least take me that long to get in with my appointment with the shrink!!!

THE SIMPLE LIFE OF A KOUNTRY KAT

Another Dreary Day

Falling Behind…Catching Up

Country Peep Show

Piggy Cured

Thirty Years From Now

Summer Ends Fall Begins

Short and Sweet

Still Newly Wed

Cowboy and the Blondes

Baby-sitting Blues

Only TWO at a time and I get to choose which two!

They must be potty-trained. Must being the key word! (Ladybug forgets where the bathroom is at my house but once you get her headed in the general direction she can handle it.)

They have to have a general knowledge of the using the remote for the tv and dvd player. (Ladybug and TaterTot was born with a remote in their hand so they qualify on this one.)

They must be able to tell me what they want. No reading minds…no pointing. (Again…not a problem. The cow-swapper’s kids are never quiet.)

No pulling the cat’s tails. I do not want tail-less cats running around here!

Also….. They have to be able to eat whatever is put in front of them. (Preferably cookies…ice cream…potato chips…a corn dog. So that makes some teeth a requirement and again…Ladybug and TaterTot could gnaw bark off of a tree….not a problem.)

Oh…I also require a two week advance notice of when my services will be needed. It will at least take me that long to get in with my appointment with the shrink!!!

Now JoJo…I might dog-sit the mini-wini dog…Gus-Gus… but beware… my cats may think he is a over grown rat with long ears!